"Working to make a difference in people’s lives was determined by something in my DNA or in my genes, and that’s the work I was called to do, so that is my passion."
Background facts
Job title and industry:
I entered the seminary in 1960 and served in the Catholic Diocese for nearly 50 years until my retirement in 2010. My parish ministry included two years’ service as associate pastor at Saint Thomas Aquinas and four years' at Saint Monica, then as chaplain for the University of Dallas for 13 years. Finally, I served as pastor at Saint Bernard of Clairvaux and Saint Joseph Catholic Church for 26 years.
Since 1987, I have broadcast my Sunday homilies on a weekly radio program on WRR-FM. This has become my primary ministry and is the basis for the Pastoral Reflections Institute. Pastoral Reflections Institute allows me to share my message at workshops locally and around the world as well as on pilgrimages to Italy. The Institute also brings spiritual leaders from around the world to share their insights and message. My goal is to reach out to those who are longing for a new way of knowing God, and believing that He dwells within our hearts.
What would you say has been a big influence on your personal sense of style?
My major in college probably influenced it. My main major before I entered the seminary was art. I studied art, design, art history, but I think the big thing that's influenced me most is that my heart has always been attracted to, and I've always loved, architecture. I think architecture has influenced me more than anything else. As a priest in the diocese, I worked on a committee that reviewed new architecture for all the churches, so I think being involved in that has really sensitized me to proportions, to colors, and to design.
Architecture's interesting because if you look at it, it's a lot about design and color, so it just flows over then into what you wear, places you enjoy, even the car you drive. I just like simple and uncomplicated and balanced design. I love a space that calms you down. I think that is very important especially if it is your home or the place where you worship.
Dress code
How do you determine what you're going to wear when you work at home vs. what you wear when you’re at a Pastoral Reflections Institute engagement?
The biggest thing at home is just to be comfortable. The thing that’s interesting about my life as a priest is that whenever I go in the direction of something that's a major event, my wardrobe is picked for me: a collar and black suit. I have a uniform. The other thing is, in my social life, I don't wear my uniform. I think clothes are extraordinarily valuable and important. The more authentic I am, the more it comes across as something real and, therefore, comfortable. You may not like it, but it's not fake. This is what you get. Authenticity is the big thing.
When I dress up, I pay a lot of attention to what I'm wearing. My stuff is usually subtle, basic, traditional, but not stuffy. I have my favorite colors, definitely anything in the blues and purples - that's my range of color. I think, somehow, as long as the clothes fit the person, they're going to be successful, if that makes sense.
Where do you shop and when do you find the time?
Being retired, it’s easier to find the time. I just shop whenever I get the chance or if I really need something. I'm hooked on Lululemon for stuff to hang out in. It's really comfortable.
For casual things I'm usually comfortable in a pair of jeans with a nice-looking shirt, in a good color. That's my standard day kind of outfit. When I go out, the things that make me feel dressed up are nice shoes; not fancy, just a good pair of well-crafted Italian or American shoes that have been polished and look really good. There's something about a guy wearing a good pair of shoes that just ... that and his hair. If you see someone with a good haircut, well-coordinated clothes, and a good pair of well-maintained shoes, you immediately have a sense that you are looking at a person who will get things done.
I don't like to wear my collar at social events because I would like people to think of me as more than just a priest. Instead, I'll wear a nice sport coat with a mock turtleneck shirt, and a good pair of shoes - that works every time.
I heard you say Lululemon. What other brands are your go-to brands?
I love Nordstrom for good shirts. I love Robert Graham shirts, which are great. I think I'm more discerning about what I wear than I used to be. I’m much more likely to invest in a well-made shirt and clothing that feels good. It's nice to look good. People appreciate it.
What is something that you wear that instills more confidence on days when you don't quite feel yourself?
Something that looks good and has some quality to it, whether it's beauty or the way it's made, or the way it feels. Clothing is really amazing. I have a really nice sweater that was a gift from Neiman’s. Every time I wear it, I know it looks great.
What is the most important part of your grooming routine that you feel helps complete your look?
This is going to seem really ridiculously funny, but it's my hair. I recently saw some pictures of me taken at a wedding that I performed, and I needed a haircut. Now I pay attention to that. The most important grooming for a man is to look well shaved and with a nice hair cut.
What's your approach to jewelry? Do you have standard go to pieces
that you wear most of the time, or do you mix it up?
I wear a gold cross and chain. I wear my dad's ring that has two snakes.
Crossed snakes are an ancient symbol of healing - like what you see for
doctors. It fits my finger perfectly and it's sentimental. I also like wearing
different watches.
What brands do you wear for eyeglasses?
The frames I use the most are Hugo Boss and Gucci.
Workday
What does a typical workday for you look like?
Since most of my work is creative, I never sit at my desk until afternoon. My
workday is really this combination of the creative part and the work part. I
preach every Sunday on the radio, so I have to take the readings for that
Sunday and digest them in order to read them with a new perspective for
people, so I work on that in the mornings.
I spend a good portion of my time on my creative work. I'm writing a book, so I'm thinking a lot about that these days, and discussing it with my editor. When the weather is nice, I usually work on this sitting outside on my deck.
What are the essentials that you need in your meetings?
I learned a good lesson - that if you’re going to run a board meeting or any meeting, be efficient in consideration of your board members. It's important to be prepared with good information and to have a clear agenda. Know your weaknesses, and don’t try to sort of cover them by doing 'sort of' a good job. Simply delegate those tasks.
What are some of your office pet peeves?
My biggest (home) office pet peeve is when my iMac or my printer does not work. The other thing is just my own inefficiency of time. I’d say those are the two things that can irritate me the most. I just try to keep a sense of humor about all of it.
For work, do you prefer communicating by phone or email?
I work with an assistant and we communicate through text and email, which I've never had that experience. When I worked in a church, I would always have a secretary and I was used to talking with her. When my assistant and I first started working together, I would call her and I wouldn't get her, and then I realized I could text her and I would get a text back almost instantly. I suppose it takes more time to talk on the phone and maybe it's a little less concise. You can't go back to the conversation and listen to it, so you don't know for sure what's been said. By communicating through texts and emails, you don't have to make notes. So I do everything that way.
Daily commute
Do you have a favorite song or an artist? Do you listen to music while you're working?
Never. I'm amazed at people who enjoy music when they're working. I always work in silence.
What kind of car do you use for in-town transportation?
I drive an Audi 5 Coupe. It just looks like me, feels like me, drives like me.
When you travel, what do you take with you?
Usually, when I travel for just three or four days, I take my MacBook with me.
When I go to Italy, I spend months there at a time, and I have a computer and printer in the house there. So the operation's exactly the same, whether I'm in Tuscany or in East Dallas. The homilies that I do on Sundays are all prerecorded when I go out of town like that. Generally, it's a much slower pace work wise when I'm in Tuscany, but now that I'm working on my next book, I'll be doing a little bit more of the reflective and writing work while I'm there.
What's your method for keeping track of your business expenses?
I have an accountant who does all the reporting for me. I make reports to her and if she doesn't understand a charge on my business credit card, she checks with me. She keeps track of all that.
Desk drawer
How would you describe your
office space?
Probably the most attractive thing
to me about this office is that it's
not too big. It has nice ceilings, but
it's cozy. It has a nice scale.
I love how it is filled with light and
nature. When I look out, all I see are
trees. It has wonderful seasons to it.
It has the hope of spring, the beauty
of fall, the winter. It's beautiful to be
in here if there's an ice storm. Three
of the five windows open like a door,
all the way. I hear birds; I have the
breeze; it's like being on a porch,
and it's really nice.
What are the items inside your office that make it comfortable and personable?
A really comfortable chair is important for me in my work because a lot of my work is not doing, but thinking. I think much better in a comfortable chair. I always enjoy fresh flowers. Beauty is a very important thing and most of us don't realize how much we need it.
The art in the place is fairly minimal. I have a piece that was given to me on my 40th anniversary as a priest. It's a depiction of an event in the life of St. Francis who is very important to me. The piece next to the door is where I go to vacation in Tuscany, and so I have a little bit of my family and a little bit of my thing. There's something about a wall of books that I think always feels warm and comforting about books.
The other thing I love about this workspace is that it's not connected to where I live. Only a covered deck connects it, but it really feels different than when I go in my house. When I designed my house, this room was originally part of the house, not a separate piece. My architects said, "You really should separate it and put it next to the garage." That was probably one of the smartest things we did.
What is your favorite office supply and why?
A good friend and I talk a lot about the world and spirit, and about trying to live life effectively, so she sent me a thick note pad that says, "Live a big life."
How do you organize your desk space?
That's a great question because my desk space has to start off neat every day. If I come in here, and it's all messed up from yesterday, I can't begin to work. I usually clear it off, and if I don't have the time to put everything away, I stack it. My desk is basically a large table with file cabinets underneath it. What I basically need is a clear desk and everything I need within reach. I've got quick-needed files, things I use all the time (my mouse, computer, and printer) all close.
I see you're an Apple user. Is there something that you gravitate towards as far as an app or software that you tend to use a lot?
I use the most fascinating, wonderful invention in the world - Dragon Dictate. Wearing the headset, I can talk as fast as I want, and Dragon Dictate types it out so perfectly. It makes a few mistakes but not many because it's gotten used to my voice. I use it for emails and for the book I'm writing. It's heaven.
Speaking of emails, how do you prioritize or manage your emails?
I have two email accounts. One is business, and one is personal. I look at them all together, and mostly weed out the stuff that's informational that I don't need, and I unsubscribe to as many as I can. I delete everything that doesn't need my attention, and then I look at what's left. Depending on what it is and how much it might take to do it, I either knock them out right away, or I'll get back to it. I just try to keep it current.
Agenda
What is your secret to achieving your daily objectives?
I write my to-do list on a notepad with two columns. One is for work and the other is for personal items. As I get things taken care of, I cross them off the list. The next morning, I start a fresh list with whatever wasn't crossed off. This way I don't have to trust just my memory to remember everything I need to do. I can simply look at the list and see what I did and what I didn’t, and I can add to it anything else that I need to do. It's that easy.
Anyway, a list is really important to me, and I have all the typical American things about "More is more," and a good day is when I get 20 messages done, and a bad day is when I get 2, but I try to get over that stuff because stress is probably the most dangerous thing for me. Organized, getting things done, being comfortable with the pace that I'm doing, not judging the day as good or bad but just, "It was the day." It takes so much more discipline to work by yourself.
How did you learn to not be so hard on yourself on your own daily accomplishments?
I think it came through a kind of natural, logical process of realizing how insane it is to self criticize instead of self affirm when something already is beating you up. I mean it just makes no sense. The last thing you should do to yourself when you have done something dumb and you are already frustrated is to add to that shame by telling yourself, "Well, you jerk."
Of course spiritually, I believe my core source of wisdom is the God that’s in me that speaks to me. I know that He would treat me in the way that would give me the most life and the most joy. Why should I ignore what He does in favor of the insanity that I’ve learned in my culture?
Try forgiving yourself for little stupid things that happen like a spilled cup of coffee or a forgotten wallet when you are at the store, especially if you live alone. Living alone is an interesting challenge because there isn't anyone telling you to give yourself a break. You have to make more attempts to take care of yourself.
What is your method for networking?
Actually, I'm on Twitter and Facebook. I'm on Facebook, but I also have a Pastoral Reflections Facebook page and that helps a lot. I have a website which people can go to and find out a lot of things. The most interesting thing to me (kind of a mysterious process) is that if I’m open and really receptive to everything, I just go around and meet the right people, and find the right people. It is almost like it’s an intension on my part. I’m wide open to find anyone or anybody that I need to be in touch with, or if they need to be in touch with me for some reason. I don’t even know how to describe it other than it’s like living with the expectation that networking is a way that God works.
Do you have anyone that you have considered to be your mentor?
From my family, I learned that work is really connected to your value. I got the "get a real job" thing in spades and I don’t think that’s healthy, to be honest. Hard work was more than just a good thing; it was a code that you should live by. 'The harder you work, the better you are.' I mean I love working - I enjoy it, it’s satisfying to me, but I hate evaluating to myself on my performance.
There were a couple of experiences with lessons that I’ll never forget. I was in a Buddhist monastery in California for a day. It was called Tassajara, near Big Sur. I was working in the field and this guy said, “Excuse me, sir. You’re doing something really wrong. You are working against your work. You’re pushing it. You’re forcing it to happen. You’re not going to rake this whole thing in 10 minutes so just rake there." Every now and then you have an experience when somebody says something to you and it’s just like this light goes off inside. I remember that so vividly.
Another time, when I was just a young priest, Rabbi Levi Olan of Temple Emanu-El did a wedding and we were sitting together. I was just so in awe of him. He was just so wise. He said, "You priests. I think you’re just amazing. I’ve never seen anything like you guys. You work all the time."
You can tell that my weakness is the mentality of 'work, work, work.' When I start working too hard, too intense; if I do twice as much work, thinking that I'm twice as good - it's simply not true.
What inspires you about your work?
The most interesting and exciting challenge is freeing people from excessive shame, anger, and fear, and helping them to see everything as it really is. When you have a radio program, you don’t see or know everyone in your audience, but now I've met people at my lectures that tell me they've been listening for 20 years and, "... our life is so different." I just melt.
I’m a priest. I have two sisters, one is a therapist and the other is a nurse. My brother's summer job is in safety patrol of a senior development. It’s interesting that we all went into some kind of service. Working to make a difference in people’s lives was determined by something in my DNA or in my genes, and that’s the work I was called to do, so that is my passion.
Downtime
What do you do during your downtime to refresh yourself?
Yoga. I hired a teacher to teach me privately for five lessons. By the end of it, he was practically my counselor. He explained that I had been working my body too hard and he taught me exercises that I simply needed to do three times a week. At first, I didn't think it was enough. Bottom line, what I learned is your body reacts so badly, if you're under constant stress. It's back to that whole thing, why beat yourself up with guilt, shame, and anger?
Yoga is the one thing. The other is being with friends. I love my social life. I enjoy going out with my friends. Give me four nights out during the week and I'm the happiest guy in the world. I love drinking cocktails and I love to have people over and to cook for them. That's another great joy for me.
You have a great space for that. How important has traveling been for you personally?
Since I retired, I've been spending an average of three to four months in Italy every year. I went to Spain last spring. A little over a year ago, I went to Istanbul. Someone told me that at certain point of your life, you're more likely to spend money on experiences than on things. It really is true.
Travel has become for me, a very integral part of my growth now. I learned about experiences and unconscious intake - that I'm changed by something during each trip, especially in places that have historical or spiritual traditions that go way back.
What is the place that you would look forward to traveling to?
I've had a tremendous longing to go to Egypt. I'm not quite sure why. The Coptic religion has always been a fascinating thing to me. Coptics were kind of a mystical side of Christianity. Christians condemned them because they didn't follow all the doctrinal stuff, and in condemning a group like that because they didn't quite necessarily believe in the divinity of Christ the same way the Roman Church was working it out, they got off'd for that. They had so many insights and so many interesting ways of imagining the teaching of Christ and God. That interests me. Egypt itself interests me. I've always thought that was an interesting culture.
I'm just hooked on Italy. It never disappoints me. I’m co-owner of a farmhouse in Tuscany. It's beautiful and I love it. It's my home base. There's so much to that country that I haven't yet seen. It's enough for me to take care of my next ten years, or whatever I've got, to do that.
What currently fascinates you?
I always have something in my
imagination that is intriguing
to me. I’ll just say the most
recent thing has been the
discoveries of in science and
how it is becoming the most
amazing partner in everything.
In physics there are so many
insights in how the world
works. My favorite image is
everything being connected
in an ecosystem.
For instance, I’ve always loved
trees and have planted so many
over the course of my life. Then I
came to this piece of land for my
house and there were so many
trees. What a sweet God thing
where you feel that flow and you
don’t get depleted as easily.
Science is all about, "This is just
the way the universe works."
Science has been my fascination. In fact, I've been working on a lecture series and the first guy that came and spoke was William Tiller, the author and professor emeritus of Materials Science and Engineering at Stanford University. He’s got some fascinating ideas and he’s one of those rare guys that have no hesitation to talk about his faith. I don’t know what it is but he just talks about God and spirit and sees the correlation so beautifully with physics. I'm fascinated with this gigantic collider in Switzerland where they are doing all these experiments around this theory of super symmetry and super partners. It’s like the whole world is made up of energy and matter, spirit and material. It’s perfect.
I’m really excited about that because so many people have lost interest in religion and I don’t think it’s their fault. I think religion doesn’t seem to be in tuned with where people are. It’s not listening to the spirit inside each individual. The beauty in Christianity is that it’s all about a personal, intimate guidance that you get from a God who’s poured inside you and then he flows out of you with truth and love. I don’t think anybody is opposed to that but it's been turned into, "How do you feel about marriage," or "How do you feel about birth control...." It’s just all terms.
Do read magazines, or have favorite sites that you refer to online?
No, but I cannot get enough of NPR. I listen to it constantly in the radio in the car - everything from This American Life to the Diane Rehm Show - all of them. I just find it so amazingly informative, sort of like my touch base with whatever is going on out there. That’s my information source that just keeps me stimulated. It helps with conversations too, not that I think about listening to it for that reason.
What else do you do in your downtime?
I’m a great movie addict. Before I go to bed, TV relaxes me. The best thing is just a good movie. I love what’s happened to television these past couple of years. VUDU, Netflix of course, and Amazon. If you don’t mind being few months behind everybody else, you can keep up on some of the best movies.
Do you have any hobbies?
When I go to Italy, I love working on the grounds, planting, gardening, and all that kind of stuff. That intrigues me. I also love photography. If I'm going to do something artistic, I really like to do something with photography. It's sort of a mini-hobby for me, because I love taking pictures when I go places and particularly when I'm with friends. Capturing them and the experience in photos. Sharing those photos, that gives me a great deal of joy. I have to say now that I’m listening to myself, I sound like much more of a person that’s beginning life than ending it. I’m more excited about my life now than I was when I was 20, 30, 40, or 50.
Msgr. Don's advice on managing stress:
Recognize what stress is doing to you.
I love to be busy, to be accomplishing things, and when you are that kind of personality, stress seems to be the necessary partner to being effective, but that's an illusion. You don't have to be stressed to be successful.
Stress used to cause a lot of motivation for me to get something done. I would pressure and push myself, and I would think that I was more creative that way. That's so shortsighted because stress, in its very nature, destroys something that is integral to who you are. Feeding yourself negative thoughts, "What's wrong with me?" and "This is stupid," begins to eat away at your self-esteem. You should realize that too much stress is absolutely deadly.
Realize that if you're filling your mind with self-criticism, you'll find yourself absolutely doing it to everybody else.
If somebody doesn't show up when expected, you're thinking, "They are a jerk. Nobody should miss an appointment because I don't think I can miss an appointment and if I miss an appointment, then I'm a jerk."
Make a conscious effort to stop.
Whenever you get mad or upset over something you do, remind yourself that being stressed or having anger about it doesn't change anything. It all does is add more stress, and more negativity to yourself. If you already feel bad about whatever it is, why beat yourself up mentally and feel even worse?
Don't think that all of the sudden you can live a stress-free life.
You can't. The minute you do that, you're going to be doubly stressed. You will be stressed about trying to not be stressed. Instead, start slowly. Take little things like, "Where did I put my cup of coffee?" and try to worry about it so much.
Start giving in to almost humorously dealing with weaknesses.
It starts with little things and then all of a sudden you realize that within a couple of months, years of your self-criticism pattern have eased away. When you can find humor in stressful moments, you'll discover that you like yourself better because you are not mentally beating yourself up. This transitions into you liking your friends better because you are not being so critical of them, which will help them enjoy being around you more.
When you start to see all these benefits from easing up on yourself and others, you'll wonder why you hadn't noticed that before. Well, that's because you were stressed and yelling at people (including yourself). Just give yourself (and others) a break when something goes wrong, or if you mess up. Remember that we are all human and try to find some humor in the situation. Laugher is the best medicine.
No judgment. It's great. It works.
